Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I'm gonna try my best to remember what happened this year. Bear with me!

January: I started college in January. I loved being back in the classroom but realized that the problems I had in high school are still there in college. I have a very hard time paying attention in class, not getting bored and getting my homework done due to how boring it is. If something challenges me, I love it, but the stuff I do well in and pick up quickly is incredibly difficult for me to not go into a coma sitting in class. Max was still working at the call center and we were struggling to get by at that point. Charlie was 9 months old and his immaturity was pressing my patience. I felt helpless in helping Charlie progress and started to get depressed about it. I also started experimenting with going gluten-free to treat my Celiac disease but didn't take it serious. My depression deepened for a couple reasons including the depressing thought of never having children. I knew we had a long way to go in treatment for fertility but sometimes things just get to you.

February: February is always a hard month for me as it holds the anniversary of our sweet nephew's death. It's also a happy month since it holds the anniversary of Iverson's graduation! (the day before the other anniversary of the month...) I got sick in February and it feels like that started an almost non-stop cycle of feeling fine for a couple days and then being sick again for a couple weeks. I think my body was struggling with the celiac disease and the torture I was putting it through with the constant changes in my diet.

March: Max and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary! Max also got a good paying job that he enjoyed and things started to look up. Charlie was still driving me crazy and I was frustrating with that raising experience in general. My first term of college ended and I did nothing for spring break.

April: Charlie turned a year old and not much changed. He just got bigger but was the same goofy puppy. The next term started. I don't think much else happened in April....

May: I requested Charlie to be transferred/recalled. I was at my wits end with him and I couldn't handle him much longer. There was a program called Puppies In Flight that transports service dogs and service dogs in training for no cost. The organization has to submit the paperwork and it took an incredibly long time and took several attempts to get it right. So May we spent waiting for the paperwork to go through and to get a flight scheduled.

June: Eva had been home for a year as our pet! Continued to wait on a flight for Charlie and struggled with raising him. I applied to raise for Canine Angels Service Teams, a small local organization that we had been following for years, just took our time to make sure they were a good fit for us. Had our home visit at the end of the month and dreamed about the possibilities of raising on the the Space Litter pups born at the beginning of the month. We also moved into the downstairs apartment, easier on all of us and a better place for us to raise our kids, without stairs.

July: Found out I would be raising for CAST but not a Space puppy. I also found out that the Puppies In Flight program was on hold and was no longer transporting dogs for the time being. I resigned myself to dealing with Charlie for the coming months and tried a little harder with the boy. Began working on a two bedroom house from the same landlord we would be moving into.

August: I turned 22! Rizzo turned 3 and worked on the house some more. We chose the paint colors, new carpet and some of the light fixtures. We moved in in the middle of the month and it was so nice having a yard and a doggie door for the dogs to play. Charlie improved with the added freedom and time to mature.

September: Max and I both started fall term of school and we settled into our new home.

October: Eva turned 2! A thing we never thought would happen! We turned Charlie in and I felt relief. Char went to the prison to continue his training. We got our Mowgli, my dream kitten! A long-haired black and white tuxedo boy who loves to cuddle but has a feisty side!

November: I learned that I would be getting a Space puppy after all! Mattie was donated to a different organization but was returned to CAST for personal reasons of the raiser and I was the chosen one to raise her! We found out Eva had cancerous cells in her urine which could point to cancer in her urinary tract soemwhere. Our life changed in another way, with the possibility of adding a baby to our family through foster care (may lead to adoption) and started to bond with the baby (due Feb. 14, 2011) and met her older sister (8 months old, in foster care). It was an exciting but emotionally tolling month.

December: I am getting my sweet Space puppy and we continue to bond with the baby girls. I visit weekly with the older sister and we got to see the baby girl on U/S. We are waiting on a referral for our home study to be complete since we live in a different county but I can't wait for that to happen! The anniversary of our nephews birth was easier this year and I realized that I am ready to be a Mommy, despite the pain and fear from losing Koen, I'm ready.

The coming year will bring a lot of changes. A change in my major, a possible change in our family dynamic, a change in raising for a different organization and changing from a couple to a family (hopefully!) Who knows what the future will bring with the baby girls, we may end up with one, both or none. We hope beyond hope that our family expands by a daughter or two. If not, we move forward to more advanced fertility treatments. One way or another, this coming year we will have a baby or two or at least be pregnant! We will enjoy our time left with Eva and learn what we can from raising our first lab/golden cross! This coming year we will also find out what's going on with Eva and what we can expect with her future.


  1. You had a rollercoaster year, and next one looks like it will be similar, but in a good way! It's so exciting to start a family. I wish you the best with whatever path you and your husband decide to take.

  2. Its nice to put the year down and reflect on your journey. Hope this next year is a good one.

  3. Wow what a year! HOpe everything works out for you, though I didn't realize you were only a year older than I am!